about the book
Short? Yup, that’s me.
Skinny? That too.
Geeky? Got a problem with that?
A wuss? Hey, that is going too far!
So I’m not a hulk. At sixteen, I’m just trying to make it through another day!
Dad thinks I need to man-up, so while mom is out of town, he sends me to Strongwoods Survival Camp, two weeks of hand-to-hand combat, bow hunting, rapid riding, and extreme torture led by a psycho ex-military bald guy with biceps the size of bowling balls. My name is Henry Lambert. At least my best friend Randy is coming, too. The dork thinks this is going to be a life-changing experience. More like life-ending, if you ask me! I’ve got a bad feeling about this…
The wilderness camp is in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by hundreds of miles of spooky woods. It is just two ramshackle buildings with a barely vertical flag pole. The accommodations are rickety cots and inedible K-rations. Max, the mental drill instructor, is everything I thought he would be—a bitter bruiser who’s only thrill is making our lives miserable.
There are just three others: a thirteen-year-old with green spiky hair, an incredibly tall gawky beanpole, and a muscle jock who spends way too much time on his hair. The two weeks are full of survivalist mayhem and madness, some of it snort-worthy funny. I do my best to please the manic Max, but I suspect I’m never getting out of this alive, especially since we have to make it through the end-of-camp survival challenge. Think Hunger Games on steroids. The only good thing is Monica, a girl I met from a nearby music camp. She is totally kick-ass and brilliant.
Turns out the games are even more challenging than even Max expected. The camp’s sleazy owner owes a gangster a bucket of dough. Claiming Max has the money, three armed goons descend on the camp just as the games begin. Let’s just say, what happens next is beyond hilariously bizarre!
Wilderness Survival Tips:
1. Drinking your own sweat will not save your life.
2. Tree bark is not edible—even with peanut butter.
3. If you rely on this book for survival tips, you’re already dead!
about the author
Jeff Strand was born in 1970 in Baltimore, Maryland, and moved with his parents to Fairbanks, Alaska, when he was six months old. They didn’t ask Jeff’s permission to move, but at least, they took him along! By three he could read, but spent his childhood drawing Spiderman comics. Encourage by his school teachers, he found his passion for writing—they just didn’t like that he only wrote about Spiderman. Jeff had an obsession with the web-slinging dude.
When he was in fifth grade, his first story was published in the local newspaper, followed by a poem printed on Pizza Hut placemats. While he was in high school, his parents separated, and Jeff moved with his mom and sister to Kent, Ohio. There Jeff gave up drawing and instead concentrated on cranking out Pointless Quest plays. His mother thought they were an abomination; his friends loved them. He followed those with supernatural comedies and horror stories.
Jeff attended Bowling Green State University. There he wrote more horror stories and picked up the habit of abandoning about eighteen projects for everyone he actually finished! After graduating, he returned to Alaska to write his first unsuccessful novel. Back in Ohio, he wrote more novels, all soundly rejected.
Hoping a change in climate would help his writing, Jeff headed to Tucson, Arizona. It didn’t help. During this time he met [email protected] and read her stories. He thought she was amazing and told her so. Exactly 73,811 e-mails later, he packed up his old car and drove to Tampa to meet her in person. Sixteen years later, they are still married!
Jeff took a job in the evil corporate world and kept on writing. Though his short stories started taking off, his novels still kept piling up rejection letters. Finally he signed up with a new agent who changed his Pointless Quest title to How to Rescue a Dead Princess. Unfortunately, two days after it was sent out to several publishers, Princes Diana was killed in a car accident. The novel did not sell.
Jeff decided to try e-publishing. Turns out this medium is perfect for someone who writes really goofy, obnoxious, twisted demented books! Within a short time, four of his books were receiving rave reviews online. In 2001, Jeff became President of EPIC, an organization for electronically published writers. In 2003, his books finally went into hardcover printings. He is finally on his way!
Source:
Author website
Also by Jeff Strand:
The Greatest Zombie Movie Ever. Sourcesbooks Fire. 2016.
A Bad Day for Voodoo. Sourcebooks Fire. 2012.
read more!
A Bad Day for Voodoo by Jeff Strand
When Tyler’s mean history teacher, Mr. Click, accuses him of cheating, his friend Adam gives Tyler a voodoo doll. Poking the doll severs Click’s leg! As Tyler and Adam wrestle over the doll, Click’s neck breaks and he dies. Is Tyler a murderer? Afraid Tyler will report him to the police, Adam gets a doll made for Tyler. Hilarity follows as Tyler tries stay in one piece!
Samurai Summer by Ake Edwardson
Tommy takes on the samurai name Kenny—from the Japanese word ken meaning sword—when he goes to summer camp. There he and other kids take on the cruel camp director, Matron, and her adult son, Christian, and secretly build a samurai castle in the woods. When their plans go horribly wrong, Kenny and his friends must learn how to stand up for one another and for what’s right.
Stranded by Melinda Braun
Needing to get away and find some peace after her sister’s death, Emma sets out in the Boundary Waters with a hiking group. A freak storm kills their guide, leaving Emma and three other survivors alone, with few supplies or a way to get home. They decide to head toward Lake Superior, hoping to be rescued before they starve or are mauled by wild animals—but one in their group seems determined to survive at all costs, even at the expense of the others’ lives.